Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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