sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
