I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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