I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he thought i was a dude.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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