So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
