I queefed so loud it echoed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am available for nakedness
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
