I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
