im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
