yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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