In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
