In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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