He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
