My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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