Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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