I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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