I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
