I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
