I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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