I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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