I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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