What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
