His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
