i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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