See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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