I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
