We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
