I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
