So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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