think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
