it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
