in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
