Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
