capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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