I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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