The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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