something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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