i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
as a side note pls kill me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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