she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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