if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
