That's when you crack a 10am beer
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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