well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
