dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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