We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
