Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
