i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
