my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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