Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
