Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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