miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
