I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
