So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
