all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
