btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
