I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
