Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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