This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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