Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
