I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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