You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
