He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
