my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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