I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
