I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
this is an emotional support booty call
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
