so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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