this just has baby written all over it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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