He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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