Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
