ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
