His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize