Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
